Monday 6 October 2014

Letter to the king

Dear Abba Father,

Thinking about you alone brings me to emotion. I am so overwhelmed by your beauty Lord. I have never experienced love like this before. This love is indescribable, pure, genuine, unchanging and unconditional. This love is beyond  measure.
All the years I have spent searching for love like this , only to realise that your love can't be compared to any other. Going through all the heartache , disappointment and sometimes not even realising that YOU were the answer to all of my pain.

It saddens me when I think of all the time I spent without even acknowledging you. I was lost and caught up in this world, adhering to all the desires of the flesh. Living my life selfishly and dangerously without you. Running away from not only you but myself . Burying my feelings at the bottom of a wine bottle, going out every night trying to escape from the torment and chaos my mind was in. Allowing them demons to take refuge.

But........

Despite all of that! you came in and rescued me again!! You always manage to come at the right time and pick me up when I am on the verge of giving up. You have NEVER given up on me and always remain true to your word.

Its my turn to show you my love Lord, to show you my gratitude, to be faithful and loyal to you. I want to dwell with you for the rest of my days. You are my everything!!!!!!!!!
❤❤❤❤❤

Thank you for all the times you rescued me
Thank you for all the times you cared
Thank you for never giving up on me
Thank you for guiding me
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for forgiving all my wrongs
Thank you for believing in me
Thank you for your grace and mercy
Thank you for healing me
Thank you for choosing me
Thank you for changing me
Thank you for your anointing
Thank you for being you...!!! ✨

Saturday 5 March 2011

It could have been me!!!!

Last month had taken me on a big journey, a journey into realitiy. Right let me start from the beggining, I have always been interested in working with homeless people and whenever I see them it leaves me feeling affected. I constantly began asking myself questions like 'how did they become homeless? ,what kind of stuggles must they have faced on the streets, how must they survive in the winter'??? I had so many questions that I did not know the answers to.

I remember this time when I went shopping in the west end, I was stressing out because  I couldn't find an outfit (how pathetic this sounds now) I came out of a shop and I saw this homeless person sitting on the floor, now dont get me wrong I have seen many homeless people in my time but this was different. This guy was huddled up in a ball and he had no shoes on his feet and his feet were cut and very dirty. Everyone was just walking by and totally oblivious but this shoke me up. I immediately wanted to do something but was thinking what could I do. I am very ashamed of what i'm about to tell you, but I have to be honest. I felt compelled to buy him some shoes and socks but it was so busy that i kinda felt a bit embarassed to address the situation. So I like everybody else walked by and did nothing. On my way home i couldnt think of anything else and feelings of regret and shame was afflicting my mind. I made a promise to myself that if i ever saw him again i would definatlty do what i believe i needed to do. Please dont get me wrong though i have given money and brought things for homeless people before but i felt drawn to do much more than this and i regret deeply not acting on it. 

Years after my scenario I still hadn't had the opportunity to work with the homeless until last week when my mum had told me that her church intervention programme which took place in the winter for homeless people which gives them the opportunity to have somewhere to sleep for the night and also give them food to eat.  She also said to me that they needed volunteers to work alongside and help serve them at meal times, and also in the night when they go to sleep. I was ecstatic when i heard about this and i immediately went down to the church and signed up for it. 

The first night I felt a bit apprehensive as i didn't really know what to expect but i sucked it up and jumped straight into things. I began serving some food and washing up the plates etc. I was very saddened by the realisation that these people were actually homeless with nowhere to go, i couldnt imagine or even comprehend how that must feel for them. But as I looked around the room I could see people smiling laughing and chatting like they didnt have a care in the world. They seemed happy to a certain extent. Thats when i realised how much i take things for granted. (I mean I have money in my pocket, a roof over my head, food in my belly and I still complain and often enough I live my life like i'm hard done by). 

That night I learn't something very valuable, I have a decent life and I dont always appreciate it and I'm not always happy, they have nothing yet they appear to be happy! this was deep for me. I decided on my next visit that I was going to take a different approach and I wasn't going to watse time feeling sad for them infact my plan was to be happy with them.

The following week I signed up to stay over night with them...I'm not going to lie this was very daunting and I have to admit that I tried to get out of it (only because i was scared) but my mum gave me a good talking to and I followed through. This time i was desperate to interact with them and even find out how some of them became homeless. I found some cards and I asked some of the guys if they wanted to play, this was a real ice breaker and it totally relaxed me. I felt confident enough to ask some of them how they became homeless...now before I share with you some of their stories I want you to ask yourselves this question: Why do you think most people become homeless?? some of you may think what I sometimes think about homeless people...We usually assume that they are drug addicts or alcohol dependent. Of course we know that this can be the case but  it's not always the case but we sometimes or always assume it! 

Some of the guys shared their experiences with me and I was shocked to hear that they encountered unfortunate circumstances that were beyond their control. One man told me that he had gotten made redundant which inveitalbly lead to financial struggles. And other man who was an asylum seeker had a compelling story which resulted in him being attacked by his family member who was intoxicated at the time. There were many more stories compelling stories which did not at all lead to drugs or alcohol (and I would be able to tell if they were on any substances) so i have no reason to doubt their stories. Whilst listening to these stories i did get a bit emotional and i couldnt help but think 'this could have been me' and I also began to ask my self questions like: If that was me, 'would I be able to put a smile on my face?' 

The truth is, we all go through struggles and hard times especially in the times that we are living in.  Some of us are fortunate to have the support of either our families or friends and some of us don't. Some people are strong enough to bare certain situations and some of us are not. Some of us can smile through things and some of us can't...I just want to leave off by saying please let us not be small minded and shallow and ridicule people based on how they look or how they live, let us not always assume people are bad because they are wearing ripped clothes or their on the streets begging - because lets face it there could be someone who genuinely needs our help and not just by offering monetary goods but there could be something else you could do. Just use your wisdom and do not put yourselves at risk but be aware that someone may need your help..and also give God thanks because it could have been you!!!


Thursday 3 February 2011

Relationships

This next topic that I am going to talk about is quite controversial and it may raise a few eyebrows, but i believe that its highly necessary to touch upon as this year it has been the hot topic of conversations....yes you guessed it Relationships (or maybe the clue was in the title duh!!!) lol

There must be something in the atmosphere because I'm telling you everyone seems to be going through struggles when it comes to relationships. I don't care if your heterosexual or homosexual we all know that relationships are not easy and it takes a lot of hard work and determination to really make a relationship work. Now i don't wanna by any means be biased and just focus on those who have got that certified relationship, by certified i mean those that are in relationships and it has been confirmed by both parties. Lets think about those of you that may be seeing someone but it hasn't yet been confirmed but you have been seeing them for a long time and it has in fact drifted into the regions of years but you still haven't had that confirmation. I'm going to use a term that i hate but I'm sure you will be familiar with it 'linking'. There i said it! You can bare the brunt of any of these types of relationships believe me.

I experienced good relationships and i have experienced bad ones..who hasn't, but nevertheless no breakup is ever easy and it always ends up leaving you feeling affected. I can not tell you how important it is to identify when you are in an unhealthy relationship and run for for your life to get out of it, please don't do what i did and stay in it for years or even if you do breakup keep going back, this is noway good for your self esteem,your sanity or your healing process!

I'm not going to sit here listing all the ways you can tell when your in a unhealthy relationship cause i believe we all have the intelligence to know. The reason why we don't do anything about it is because we're in denial. We are simply just lying to ourselves or we believe that we can be the ones to change that individual. What we need to realise is, if that person who is toxic wanted to change they would change! change starts from within and happens when you are ready and there is nothing that we can do to change a person, this is just wishful thinking. I feel that we all have the ability to tell when we are not happy in a relationship and if you are doing all you can to make the relationship flourish then why cant your partner also? Of course i am aware that personal issues may be afflicting your partner's mind which may mean that they are unable really make an effort in the relationship- but this is where communication should kick in. If you cant converse with your partner about anything then i suppose we shouldn't be with them. We should all take the initiative to really get to know our man/woman so we can tell when their acting out of character.

Now I'm gonna touch upon the issue of 'linking' or some may call it 'seeing' someone. Whenever i meet someone of course i am aware that we start of 'seeing' each other, but i always wonder how long is it going to take for the other party to initiate more (that's even if i think he's a worthy candidate himself). Let me tell you how easy it is to fall into the complacency of linking..well for the man anyway!!! us ladies usually always want to know where we stand so we can have that piece of mind. Let me tell you ladies (i apologies men, i don't want to seem biased in anyway) but if you don't bring the conversation up of "where do we stand"? the man usually wont do it. And then you find yourself seeing or linking this guy for a longer time than needed. I have gotten caught up before, just tying to be real and it is so frustrating, I'm not at all blaming these men, i blame myself for staying in something for so long before realising that it wasn't going anywhere!!!!!! This is a waste of my time and a waste of my life...not doing this again, well God willing i will never put myself in this situation because it just is not worth it. A man/woman that has respect for you wont expect you to just be a link in his life for so long he or she would want to commit to you if they are serious and if there is no commitment then their either not interested or their just afraid of the C word we call commitment!!!!!!

Please be encouraged my fellow blogee's because every situation does make you stronger and i know my experiences whether good or bad has shaped the person i am today so thank you to all my ex partners you will never be forgotten (partly because you scared my life...hahahaha just joking!!! you will be remembered because you have made me stronger) And for those of you that are going through a breakup or trying to disattach yourselves from that person who has become over familiar, please follow your instincts because life is too short for you to be living in misery and look at it this way it may take a while for those scars to heal but if you stay in something that does not make you happy then your wounds are only going to get deeper.

There's a book that i recommend in regards this topic is a book by Steve Harvey called 'Think Like A Man, Act Like A Lady'. This is an excellent book that allows you to understand things from a mans perspective. Before i go i want to share with you my poem that i wrote. It was inspired by me following my passion, which is writing and me finally believing i am capable of fulfilling my dreams.


Just me


I am me and that is all I can be
Sometimes scared of the things that I see
Wanting to capture what life has to offer
Anxiously waiting cause I don’t want to suffer
Feelings of inadequacy, running through my head
Take them one by one and put them to bed
Letting go of all the pretense
living my life so I can be content
Thankful to God that now I can say
I am happy with me, wouldn't have it no other way!

Wednesday 2 February 2011

New beginnings

Hey all, I just want to welcome you to my blog site. This very new to me so it may take me a while to get the hang of it, so please bare with me!!! lol

Wow can you believe we're in 2011 already!!!! shock horror, where are the years going? Well I hope this year is better than the last one. Lets just say 2010 wasn't as enlightening as i would've liked!!! anyways I'm feeling very excited about this year and I cant wait to make some positive changes. Every year I end up learning something different...whether it be learning to be less sensitive as a person, separating myself from certain things or people or even adapting to a healthier lifestyle. This year has already taught me about positivity and I am aware of my lack of it. Its crazy because people have given me books about this or I end up conversing with people and where ever I go or whatever I do, I keep on being lead back to positivity. I have been trying my hardest to interject this notion of positivity into my life, and let me tell you it has not been easy! but it is so worth it. Every time a negative thought pops into my head, I try and replace it with a positive one and the effects have been most beneficial. This may sound like a cliche, but if you look at things in a positive light then you will in fact positive things will come to you, and visa versa. 
For example I have only just had the confidence to take my writing further, although i have always been passionate about writing, my negative thoughts would always get the better of me and would never ever dream of pursing my dreams or even attempt writing these blogs. But ever since I have been meditating on positivity, I now have the confidence to fulfil my dreams and it feels grrreat! 
 Do you ever sometimes wonder why things in your life aren't going right? Or why you keep meeting the wrong man/ woman?.....well it could be because your thinking negatively and that's what your gonna attract remember like attracts like. Just try this year out differently. Try and be positive and see if things start working differently, I can assure you it will!!!!
There's an excellent book that I have been reading and its called 'You Can Heal Your Life' the author is Louise L.Hay and it basically talks about how negativity and stress can harm your body physically by causing illnesses and diseases. She has then developed ways and techniques in assisting people into a healthier and happier life, she also teaches the importance of being positive and shows the advantages this can have towards the path to a healthier mind and body. This book is amazing and can potentially change your life forever. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND IT!!!